


How to Get Royal-Married Like A Boss

by parma



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Female Arthur Pendragon, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-01-24 06:40:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1595321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parma/pseuds/parma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Princess Artheia is finally getting married yay! Who's up for the challenge, though?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WIP. I hate WIPs being posted on AO3 but here I am doing it anyway. Hopefully this will progress ugh. This will probably go up to three chapters or four at this rate. (✪㉨✪)

"You're getting married today, Wart. How's it feel?"

Artheia wanted no part of this nonsense, but since it was her sixteenth year and her father had promised a princess's hand in marriage, needs must. Oh gods, if she hadn't been this gorgeous surely she'd have been merely given away to the richest suitor, being the youngest princess; her gorgeous blonde hair, thankfully, saved her from such an ignominious fate. No, her husband would have to pass a series of tests to determine his worthiness for the hand of--

"Wart. Hey."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, apologies, your highness. I was just saying that your father his majesty the King of Camelot has deemed it time for your appearance in the great hall so as the challengers may lay their eyes upon your fine form, o princess."

"Shut your mouth Merlin, you're worse than a fishwife in the market the way you go on...oh, that's an idea, how about I have you pelted with fish tongues the next time you talk too much?"

"Princess Artheia, there is no such thing as a fish tongue."

"Indeed?"

"No, your highness."

"Hmph. I shall be taking fish guts, then. Have them all kept for occasions as these, I suppose. That'd be recycling them, innit? Shame to let those things go to waste."

"I think not, m'lady. Peasants use fish guts in cooking."

"Never mind that then, just pull on this corset so I can be fit for company! Yes, yes, tighter...oh for--put your back into it, will you, Merlin? Yes, like that, uh," and here Artheia let out a gasp, "yes, that's it!"

Merlin, ears red, bowed and made for the door.

"Mer-lin."

"What?"

"I haven't dismissed you yet, have I?"

"Nu--no. Milady."

"Indeed. Now get me my gown. And the head dress."

"Yes, milady. Shall I put it on for you milady?"

"No. But you will be on hand to take it off of me after, yes?"

"I will."

"It is so. You are dismissed."

Merlin bowed and turned to leave the room.

"Wait!"

"Yes, milady?"

Artheia bit her lip and looked hard at Merlin's scarf, brows knit together. Then she shook her head.

"Comb my hair out, will you? I'll need it in three skeins."

Merlin blinked at that, then nodded.

 

* * *

 

 

In the early days, when Artheia had been but a wee lass, her father had insisted on her having a male companion, one capable of lifting things and saddling horses and catching up with the princess whenever she ran pell-mell into the forest.

Merlin had been...well, not perfect, Uther reflected, but at least suited enough for all three criteria. He was capable of hauling up Gaius's medical kit and numerous purchases from the market and up the flights of stairs to their tower. He'd also been a stablehand before being promoted to physician's apprentice, and they'd apparently had a horse back in the country, if Gaius were to be recalled correctly. Some sort of bovine animal, in any case. Possibly a donkey. And it was quite convenient for the lad to be in the forest all the time, too, attending to herb collection for his master. All the better, then. More efficient. Besides, Artheia could easily do all three herself but it was nice to not have to trouble some fussy lords' daughters with whose virtue to deal with at court.

Gaius had quite assured him the boy was a halfwit, in any case, and everybody knew halfwits were innocent and pure as the driven snow. Weren't they?

In any case, now they'd grown up--the lad quite alarmingly so, as a beanstalk might, and to look at him now holding up the train of Artheia's gown he was at least ears above her crown even with his head bowed. Ah, that simply wouldn't do now, would it? He'd have to take his daughter aside later and remember to tell Gaius to take his apprentice fully under his wing now that the princess was to be trained as a proper wife and queen.

"Merlin!" Artheia hissed, "do try to step quickly. I keep getting jerked back, you dolt."

"You're walking too fast, you wart," Merlin muttered. "I thought your shoes were killing you just now?"

"Yes, they are, that's why I'm hurrying to a seat idiot."

"Oh."

Artheia rolled her eyes. "Yes. Now just shut up and do as I told you."


	2. In Which Merit is Required

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What exactly must be done to marry a princess?

 

> When first* getting married, it is expected that the participants be aware of their responsibilities to their betrothed before any commitment is to take place. As such, the parties must ensure that the participants are to practice, to the extent of their capability, the duties of a proper husband and wife prior to the marriage.
> 
>  
> 
> *When second getting married, it depends on one's circumstances and the length of time since the termination of the first marriage.

 

Merlin set himself to polishing the brass fruit bowl in the princess's chambers as she sat at her desk poring over the royal marriage handbook. Gods and goddesses forbid she run out of reflective surfaces with which to admire herself, lords and servants knew she was temperamental and could only be reliably soothed by the sight of her beautifully proportioned face and luxuriously golden hair. Merlin snorted to himself.

"Alright then, tell me what the duties of a wife are again."

Merlin sighed. He certainly wasn't going to marry any royalty, why should he be privy to all this? Nevertheless, it was his duty to fulfill the needs of the princess, and needs must.

"Well, the first duty is to listen to what one's husband says and do accordingly," Merlin recited, buffing at the bowl a bit. Perhaps a bit of a turning motion to make the shine more even? He supposed he might have to ask Gwen's father or Gaius what he could do with brass to maximize reflectivity. Ah, duties.

"And what if the husband is saying something idiotic, Merlin?"

Merlin startled. Artheia was twirling a lock of hair idly around a finger, staring into the fire in the grate. She didn't seem to be blinking. Merlin thought a bit.

"You are to do accordingly, my princess."

The princess raised an eyebrow.

"Well?"

"Means you do what you think you ought to, doesn't it?"

Artheia smiled at that a bit, eyes cutting sharply to Merlin. "Yes indeed, my manservant. For instance, let's have you say something idiotic."

"Er, milady--"

"No, no, act as if I'm your wife, Merlin."

"Oh, alright then. Erm. Wife, I want...four children?"

Artheia tapped at her chin, then slowly her hand drifted down to her belly. She rubbed at it contemplatively. "Hm. Well, I suppose that could be managed. Father says we might come to have twins, it's supposed to run in the family."

Merlin looked up at that. "Really? He said that, wife?"

"Yes, maybe we'd only have to get pregnant twice, if we're lucky," she said, looking contemplatively into the fire again. Then abruptly, she turned to Merlin. "What would you like to name them then, husband?"

Merlin's face scrunched in thought, staring at the fire himself like it would yield all the answers. Finally he breathed out, "Well. The first lad ought to have a good, strong name, seeing as he'd be the heir. Say, Archibald?"

He looked round too late to see his princess steadily advancing upon him, slipper held aloft in dainty hand.

"Oh, 'Archibald'? Indeed! My idiotic husband, for that I will now have to--"

"I don't think that's what 'accordingly' means, milady--ow, ow!"

"And now you have soiled my slipper with your filthy hair, go fetch me a new pair immediately!"

* * *

 


End file.
